I used to think that the scariest thing about teaching, was staying in control of a whole classroom full of kids. I figured that if I would be very commanding, and they would all listen to me. You may have heard the old saw, "Don’t smile until Thanksgiving." Baloney! Smile the first day! Smile every day! Don’t try to intimidate them. It won’t work. Twenty-five kids can take one teacher any day of the week if they really want to!

But, you ask, what do I do to keep order in the classroom? Surprisingly enough, the children really want to learn and they want school to be a place where there is order. They want you to be in charge. But they want you to be friendly and approachable.

Respecting the children as human beings is the most important aspect of keeping control of your class. It took me a long time to realize this. Remember that you are teaching real people with feelings. Think how you would feel if someone spoke to you the way you've heard many teachers speak to their students. Make it clear that you intend to respect them and expect them to return the favor.

Don’t mistake popularity for respect. Popularity is like a shiny penny, attractive, but not valuable. Respect is valuable. The children don’t need you to be their buddy. They have a class full of buddies. They need someone to be the adult, but an adult who respects them.

The next time you speak to your class, speak to them the way you would speak to your friends or acquaintances.

Imagine this scenario. You have turned in your lesson plans to the principal and they are not done to his specifications. He walks into the teacher's lounge and loudly reprimands you in front of your colleagues. Maybe he even labels you as lazy or careless. How do you feel? When he leaves the room what do you say – or want to say to your friends?

On the other hand, suppose he asks you to come to his office and shows you where you need to improve your plans. He listens to your reasons for doing them the way you did, then suggests ways to do make them better. He then compliments you on how nice your classroom looked when he came to visit. How do you feel then? Are you more likely to take his suggestions to heart?

The children come to class wanting to do well. Some have become discouraged over the years, but most come to school with amazing and admirable optimism. They are willing to give this year a chance no matter how miserable previous years may have been. 

Listen in to a teacher reprimanding a child in front of a class. Would that teacher speak that way to an adult acquaintance, no matter how obnoxious? Not only is reprimanding a child in front of the class ineffective, it is counter-productive. The miscreant is looking for attention. It’s a pretty sure bet that he doesn’t have a history of getting attention in acceptable ways, so now he is on "Plan B - Attention At Any Cost." This is a contest. Can he get your complete attention? Can he get you riled? If you yell at him, he has won. If you doubt this, just take a close look at his face. Smug victory is written all over it.

There is a corollary to this scenario. The rest of the class is being punished for being good. Aside from the wasted time, the sensitive child in your class is hearing the tirade and internalizing it all, while the object of your reprimand is ignoring, if not basking in it. What’s more, the atmosphere of happy industry has been destroyed for the rest of the class.

It doesn’t have to be a war though. There are things you can do to keep from having the confrontation in the first place. Your attitude of respect for him is a big step toward gaining his cooperation.

Many times you can avoid trouble by being on the alert and stopping the problem before it develops. Walking over to and standing near a child that is about to start mischief, all the while continuing with what you are saying, can often defuse the situation. There are several ways to deal with incipient infractions. Here are some suggestions:

Having the child alone while talking to him is vital. He has no one to show off to, so he is more likely to react appropriately.

Sometimes problems can be taken care of by a simple physical adjustment however the teacher’s attitude makes all the difference. Take the case of Bobby who is talking to his neighbors and has only two problems done on his paper. Listen to one teacher’s reaction.

"Bobby, look at this! You have only finished two problems! What have you been doing? I’ll tell you what you have been doing. Talking to everyone around you, that’s what you’ve been doing! You’re a real motor-mouth! Now, you march yourself right up here and sit by my desk where I can keep an eye on you. You’d better finish that paper by the time the bell rings, or else! Now, MARCH!"

How does Bobby feel? Is he going to cheerfully work hard on the problems so he can be finished by the time the bell rings and make his teacher happy? I don’t think so…Either he is humiliated that the teacher has announced to the class how little he has done or he already has the reputation of being a goof-off, and this is a good way to annoy the teacher and be the class show-off. Either way, he will not be inclined to work hard to finish before the bell. And what does "or else…" mean anyway? Nothing!

You, on the other hand, walk over to Bobby’s desk, look at his paper and quietly say, "How are you doing, Bobby? Only two problems done? Oh, I’m sorry. Are the kids here bothering you so you can’t get your work done? Why don’t you move over here where it is quiet and no one will disturb you? (smilingly pick up his books and move them to a quiet place, possibly near your desk) You can get your work done here so you won’t have to do it for homework. I’m sure you have other things to do this afternoon."

Bobby is glad to take the role of the "distractee" rather than the "distracter." You have made it clear that you are serious about his moving away from the other children, i.e. moving his books, and you have told him that what isn’t finished must be done for homework. All this has been done with a smile, and he has saved face in front of his classmates. Now, he probably will complete some, if not all of the problems.

Here is another scenario. You have bus duty. Michael is pushing and cutting in line so he can get on the bus first. Instead of yelling at him, you go to him and say, "Michael, please come here at the front of the line and stand by the door. I want you to make sure that no one in line pushes .

He is now an authority figure. No one had better push in line under his watchful eye! He hardly notices that he is standing where the teacher can keep an eye on him and that he will be the last one to board the bus.

Some days even the best techniques don’t seem to be working. You are taking the children to gym and Peter just can’t seem to handle himself, no matter what. You go over to Peter, take his hand in yours and walk hand in hand to gym. You hold his hand firmly, smile at him, and pointedly hand him over to the gym teacher. Most upper elementary grade students are not fond of having to hold the teacher’s hand in front of their peers. You have not said a word, but the silent subtext is there. When you act like a baby, I have to treat you like one.

One of the most helpful courses I took in the "Continuing Education Courses" that we were required to attend, was one on discipline. We were exposed to many different kinds of classroom control. Some had posted rules and when a child misbehaved, his name was written on the board. Every time he repeated the infraction a check is written after his name. When he collected a specific number of checks, punishments were meted out. This seemed to me that the teacher was expecting the children to misbehave. Other plans gave prizes when the class earned so many points for being good. This smacks to me of bribery.

All these types of discipline seemed forced, and besides they entailed a good deal of bookkeeping – not my strong suite.

Then I read about a method that I thought might work for me. I took the basic idea of Glasser’s Reality Model and modified it to suit my style. (Every teacher has to adjust any method that she chooses to fit her personality and style of teaching.) With this method, responsibility rests with the child. These are the steps I followed when a child misbehaved.

1. In private,I asked the child to tell me what happened. I then acknowledged his feelings about it.

2. I asked if his response to the problem was profitable for him, that is, was what he did a good idea? The child usually replied in the negative. If he did not, I talked with him until he agreed that what he did was not a wise course of action.

3. I asked him what he thought should be done about it. I would not accept an, "I dunno." I pointed out that it was his problem and he must come up with a fair penalty. The solution must satisfy both him and me.

4. When we both agreed on a solution, I had him write down what happened and what he would do to rectify the problem. This was his contract with me. He dated the paper and we both signed it and filed it in a safe place.

5. We carried out the discipline. If the misbehavior was repeated, obviously his solution didn’t work. In that case, I called the child back and we went through the steps again finding another solution.

Here is a possible scenario:
"Billy, what happened out there?"
"The kids were being mean. They pushed me and took my ball away."
"You were very angry when they took your ball."
"Yeah."
"Bobby, do you think that hitting Joel was a good solution to the problem?"
"He shouldn’t have grabbed that ball right out of my hands!"
"I understand. That made you very angry. But, was your solution of hitting him a good one? You know our no hitting rule."
"I guess not."
"What do you think should be done about it?"
"I dunno."
"Billy, you broke the school rule about hitting. What can you do to help you remember not to hit the next time that you get mad?"
"I should say, ‘sorry’."
"Yes, that is a good idea, but I don’t think that will be enough to make you remember not to hit when you are really angry."
"I’ll stay in for recess."
"How long?"
"Till the end of the week?"
"O.K. let’s try that. If that doesn’t work, we’ll talk again. Now, write down what happened on this paper. Then write what you decided to do to help you remember not to hit when you are angry. When you finish, I will read it and sign it, and you can sign it and we will put it in this special file in my desk."

Billy was treated with respect. I listened to him and acknowledged his distress. His solution was worth writing down and following. By signing a contract, he pledged to follow through with the consequences. I found this to be a very successful way of dealing with misbehavior.

Once in a while there was a class-wide problem. Sometimes there was a problem on the playground and everyone was upset or one child in class was causing a problem for everyone. It is time for a class meeting. I set certain rules for class meetings.

The first part of the meeting was spent stating the problem and how it made us feel. One child would talk at a time. An effective way I found to control this was to toss a stuffed dog to the speaker. While he/she was holding the dog, no one else could speak. Then when that he/she had finished talking, the speaker tossed it to someone else. When we had exhausted the topic, or when I felt that there was nothing new to add, we moved on to the second part.

The second part was spent in thinking of possible solutions. If the child who is causing the problem was in the class, I was very careful not to let it be a "dumping" session where the whole class picks on the child. The child was allowed to respond to the class’ comments, then we tried to think of a way that we could help the offending student improve. It had to be done with a feeling of goodwill. This is a situation in which the attitude of mutual respect, begun on the first day of school, paid off.

When we had a problem with children being unkind to someone in the class, on a few occasions I used an activity in my classroom that was extremely successful. This had to be used judiciously, because I knew that by recess the entire school would know about it.

I told the children that we were going to have a new class member. We would create him or her. I asked the class what characteristics they would like to see in a new class member. I asked them to describe the person. We drew his/her picture (in one case, they couldn’t decide, so they created twins!) on a piece of drawing paper. Everyone in the class got an opportunity to add something. We talked about what kind of person the new member was.

Then, unexpectedly, I began to make disparaging remarks about the "new class member" using expressions I had heard the children use. Suddenly, I snatched up picture that the class had created, wadded it up in a ball and threw it in the trash.

The children were stunned! They asked me why I did such a thing. Because everyone had had a part in creating this new class member, they had invested a good amount of emotion in the imaginary person.

"Oh, do you want to keep him?" I asked. They all agreed that they did. So I went to the wastepaper basket and took out the picture. I made a perfunctory attempt at smoothing out the wrinkles, then gave it to the students and told them to smooth the wrinkles out. They tried but of course, the wrinkles couldn’t be smoothed out completely.

Then I talked about how once you have said something hurtful, you can never un-say it. The wrinkle you have caused is permanent. On more than one occasion, a child has volunteered that they were made to feel just like that paper – just a piece of trash to be thrown away.

I found these to be very workable solutions to discipline problems in my classroom. They allowed me to keep a good rapport with the children when I had to discipline them.

You may have noticed that I often referred to a male child in my suggestions. This is not to suggest that girls do not misbehave in a similar manner. They can and do. I am using male pronouns simply for ease of writing and reading.